wishes
Any of this. This. And this. And while we're at it, I'd like to comission the Muppets to do Meredith Monk's Atlas.
Yesterday was my birthday. M took the whole family (minus the cats) out for breakfast. I had a big plate of hash browns covered in spinach, tomatoes, and sour cream, with real coffee that I let them keep filling up. Then we walked in the park with Sebastian in the sling, a long-held dream of mine to get out in the park with my baby. It was magical, but very short since I'm still recovering and can't walk too far.
I miss that walk already. Everything about this boy is like that. I was telling someone last night that since he's likely our only child, I'm very aware I'm doing everything for the first and last time. It's hard and wonderful and chilling, to be trying to simply survive and yet savor at the same time. To be missing something that is still here, but passing.
Two Pointy Sticks named one of her new colourways Saudade, and wrote this on her blog:
"Saudade" in Portuguese is a tough word to translate, but it means something like "a nostalgia for a fleeting beauty as it passes".
That describes how I'm feeling pretty much all the time, and is the best explanation yet for why I'm crying constantly.
James, are you ready for all this?
I am so proud of you for already reading to Baz! Yeah for you guys! Those brain synapsis are already connecting like crazy!
Posted by: Katie | 2005.05.27 at 10:04
It's amazing, isn't it? And you're planting seeds the whole time. My younger son's favorite color is yellow - we think it's because we would put him to nap with a yellow stuffie facing him his first year. You take beautiful photographs, you'll treasure them always. And later they love to hear the stories of the things they did when they were little.
I'm going through a divorce. My ex is quite well off and is trying to force me into taking a full time job. I don't have anything like his earning power. My son is 11, and has some learning disabilities, and it has made it crystal clear to me that we might have to live dirt poor, but I'm not going to take a job that keeps me from driving on field trips, and makes me unavailable to him after school. Every age, they are only that age once, and it's so important to pay attention and to be there for them. They keep needing us for a long time.
On a lighter note, do you have Goodnight Moon? And Chicken Soup with Rice? They both have lovely read-aloud rhythms. There is a book by James Trelease called The Read-Aloud Handbook, with lots of wonderful books for each age.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Posted by: Patti | 2005.05.27 at 10:45
Even having three, and knowing I'll someday have more, I still feel that pain. They will never be the same. Our elementary school takes fall photos as they come in, and spring photos as they go out of each school year. I hate spring pictures, because they change SO much in a matter of months. I always feel a sense of loss. However, seeing them grow, learn and develop is miraculous and beautiful as well.
Posted by: LauraA | 2005.05.27 at 11:13
Duck is Dirty is a classic - hard to find nowadays, but a total classic to read aloud. Also Bark, George - awesome.
It's wonderful to savor it - hard - but wonderful. I try to do that with my niece and nephews amid the chaos.
Posted by: Cara | 2005.05.27 at 11:14
I had my son when I was 20, then went through a separation from his dad and a divorce from the man I subsequently married. I was 30 and single and the whole dating thing was pretty depressing, so I started trying to accept that I might never have the family I always thought I would have. It was a hard thing to accept, but it helped me enjoy my son more...even though he's an 11-year-old pre-teen that I just can't believe I gave birth to (some days!).
Oh...get "I'll Love You Forever" and "The Runaway Bunny" for Baz. And when he gets old enough...get him Dav Pilkey's "Dumb Bunnies," "Dogzilla", and "Kat Kong." Then...let him graduate to the "Captain Underpants" series. It's fun reading to and with boys! There's all kinds of wedgies and potty humor involved. :)
Posted by: Bad Hippie | 2005.05.27 at 13:05
LOVE Axelle's stuff. The Klees look so fun. How bittersweet to know he's the last. At least you do know so you can be sure to enjoy it and remember it. Are you into scrapbooking or anything like that?
Posted by: Vicki | 2005.05.27 at 14:14
Oh, duh. Happy Birthday!! :)
Posted by: Vicki | 2005.05.27 at 14:14
How perfectly beautiful Baz is! I have three girls 22yoa, 16yoa and 10 yoa. How quickly the time goes. Enjoy!
Laura
Posted by: Laura | 2005.05.27 at 20:43
happy belated birthday! i am certainly ready for the muppets to do meredith monk's atlas... but am i ready for the beauty of being a mother and caring for a newborn? i would like to think so. i am currently trying to find saudade in these last moments of pregnancy, but it is proving difficult.
Posted by: james | 2005.05.28 at 13:02
You are crying constantly because hormones are evil in that way. I used to cry every day at 5.30pm whether I needed to or not after the birth of my daughter.
As for book recs: Time for Bed by Mem Fox is beautifully illustrated. We like a bit of adult-friendly humor in our reading so my three-year-old likes When Pigasso Met Mootise, Wait No Paint, Goodnight Gorilla, Pat the Beastie, and Click Clack Moo Cows that Type. And you need to own Ferdinand the Bull and Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel - total classics.
Posted by: liz | 2005.06.02 at 05:02