scavengers

This is why we end up staying so closed. Because when you open yourself up to the world, there are so many little hurts. People are not nice. You run joyfully and bonk your head.

Let me go back a bit. We had a long, fun day yesterday, taking pictures everywhere. Sarah had Monroe on her back, Sebastian rode in his stroller, and both boys were model scavenger hunt helpers, either sleeping or moving right along as needed. We asked strangers to hold our knitting and pose (most were willing and even seem happy in the pictures.) A man on the bus turned out to be a former knitter: he used to do it when he was a logger, for fun in the off hours. The food vendor was on the phone (“I’m now holding my third piece of yarn,” he reported to the person on the line.) The wind-up toy vendor at Finnegan’s knew the rules better than we did, having seen a dozen knitters already, and he helped us get an extra point. We walked and talked about our children, our car-free lives and what good shape we're in from busing and carrying.

We were damp and mentally tired by the time we boarded the final MAX train to the Forestry Center to see the Yarn Harlot and report on our pictures.

Sebastian played on the life-sized logging train at the entrance. He was cute but tired too and he did fall and bonk his head really hard, twice. We probably should have stayed outside, but I went in to see Tina, find my friends Heather and Rodger, find my mom who took the MAX out there to meet us, and to have a sense of completion, that we'd walked around all day opening ourselves up to people and we had prevailed.

I sat down and immediately I knew Sebastian was going to make noise, so we moved to the back of the room, then out to the lobby. At one point during Stephanie’s presentation we had to come back in for a diaper. That was when a very angry, twisted, pinch-faced woman snarled at me. Really, she was an animal. I said, “Excuse me,” and she said “You’re damn right Excuse You!”

(Huh?)

“You don't bring children to things like this,” she hissed, her face a mask of nastiness.

(I am being kind here. Her meanness was really shocking.) I instinctively hissed back, actually managing to punctuate my reply with a pointed diaper, “You bring children everywhere!” Then I went to the lobby and cried a bit because she really hurt me, being so mean after my nice day, mean about my beautiful sweet son who brings up the deepest feelings of pride and protection in me.

Interestingly, there was another mom with a little boy outside crying because someone else had asked her to leave. Her son was really quiet and good.

There were probably a dozen more children of all ages around the back of the house and in the lobby with parents. I knew that Tina, the host, and Stephanie, the speaker, both love children. I was outraged, but of course had to let it go, which obviously I have not.

It was a joyful celebration of knitting, coming together around something we loved, sharing our long and happy day of picture taking (Sarah won a prize!). And at least two people were so wound up that they could not share it with every kind of person, even those of us who traveled difficultly and with children carried on our very backs, because we wanted to be there, and we happen to have chosen to forward the human race have children and have been lucky and blessed enough to have them (edited because a couple people pointed out the above phrase was not entirely nice or accurate.) I believe that the way you socialize children is to bring them places and have them meet other people.

I am so sorry Sebastian met her.
 

we are so tender

requiring fires for warmth

roofs against the rain

 

 

(haiku by martin)

Comments

[Sarah R]

Oh, I'm sorry for such a rotten spot in an otherwise lovely day. And I'm sorry that that mean woman can't relax and enjoy small children.

Love the picture with this post.

[Bethany]

Oh, this makes me so sad. I'm so sorry you and your lovely boy had to meet her, too.

[P-la]

I feel so much for you right now!!! I so wish I could give you a hug. You are strong and courageous. Taking your children out on an all day extravaganza takes strength and patience. Both for the child and the parent. I am in a group of nine knitting women. I am the only one with a child. (he's going to be 3 next month). I have no problems setting my friends straight when they make a comment about people being out with their kids. I don't bring my child with me to knit night because that's his time to be alone with his dad. I remind them that families have the right to leave the house. Children have the right to be children. They were children once too. I know I'm not saying what I mean to say dangit! I'm not one who is good with words. Just know how sorry I am to had to run into such an ugly person on such a beautiful day. Please don't let it ruin such a special memory you will have about doing what you did with your son and your friends.

[Marnie]

Ugh, some people are just ugly and rotten inside. What ghastly behavior. I'd rather be around 100 crying children than one self righteous rude person.

Unless the event was at a strip club or an R rated movie, I can't fathom where this woman got off speaking to you like that.

[Jessica]

That's awful. What a shitty thing to mar your fun adventure. I think all parents have memories of moments like this.

[cr]

I too am sorry you had to run into such a person! I've had my share of encounters with people like that and all I can say is that they are dead wrong. Children are a blessing. Inconvenient sometimes, but always a blessing.

You are quite correct that children learn their social skills from being around other people. So take your son out as much as possible! And when you meet that rare truly nasty person, use them as an example of how *not* to behave. :)

[Mendozy]

Whoever she is, she can't be a true Yarn Harlot fan or she would have seen Stephanie's wonderful pictures of mums and babies/children at all the previous Yarn Harlot events and known that children are very much welcome there.

With people like that it's best to try and remember that their behaviour is a reflection of how bad they're feeling and to try not to let the badness transfer itself to you for too long ...

[Kim K. in PA]

I haven't posted on your blog before, but your post moved me. I'm so sorry that you had to encounter a person like that. I am the mother of four kids and I am very aware that people can be horrible to children. More than once I wanted to never leave my home so I could shelter my children from nasty strangers. How wonderful that Sebastian has a mother who loves him and wants to be with him. What an awful life that woman must have to be so hate-filled. As an aside, my grandmother would have said that "Nasty Woman" had better watch out or her face will freeze like that.

[Toni]

I feel sorry for that bitter woman who doesn't understand that taking them out and teaching them how to behave in public requires *gasp* taking them out.

I don't have kids and I've had friends apologize when their child/children have been noisy or acted out. Given that these children were tired/hungry/bored which triggered the issue, I've never been bothered by it. Kids are still learning how to handle their feelings, all the input from around them, etc, and sometimes it's just too much and they melt into puddles of goo. They're kids, it happens.

Your son was better behaved than that woman was even if he did make some noise.

[Knittripps]

That makes me very sad. I do not have children of my own but I most certainly would not act that way to another human being. She acted very inappropriately. I hope she reads this post or hears about it and it makes her think twice about her actions.

[Karen]

I am so sorry to hear this! When the Harlot was in Seattle on Monday, there were babies and small children and none of us minded one bit! How horrid people can be!

[Kate]

Yikes. What a crummy thing to have happen! I kind of have sympathy for the shooshers though - life must be really hard for the mean-hearted. Grown people are pretty much hardwired to find joy in little people, so you have to be awfully damaged to be so cranky.

Also, Steph JUST wrote about her love of little ones a few weeks ago! Way to miss the point, shooshers! http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/archives/2008/04/08/two_for_one.html

[Sue J.]

I'm so sorry your day was marred by such ugliness of spirit. That woman probably has way more problems than most of us. We, too, took our son everywhere we went as he was growing up. He is the better for it, believe me. He has grown into a wonderful young man who fills our hearts with pride. Yours will, too, because he knows his mom and dad love him enough to include him, not exclude him.

[Sarah]

I keep trying to think of things to type...
I am going to stick with, I'm sorry, and that sucks.

[chrispy]

That is so horrible and sad. I love seeing kids at adult events. It is how they learn to interact. I might not personally want kids at this point in my life but I will bring my children with me. It was how I was brought up and I think I turned out well.

[Tana]

The only time kids bother me at events is when their parents bring them but don't bring anything for them to do. We have a couple moms who do that in our knitting group, and I just feel so bad for those kids because they're bored out of their mind, and then they act up, and embarrass their mothers...it's just painful.

Obviously, after a day of involving him in your life like that, you are so not that kind of mother. He may have been tired, but you were handling it very graciously. He's so lucky to have a mother like you. Don't let that woman rain on your parade!

[Evonne]

That person is full of bitter poison. What helps me in such a situation is to know that if someone treats people badly on a regular basis, they probably don't have too many friends left. Thank goodness that we are mostly surrounded by gracious people in our life, certainly in the knitting and craft community.

Thank you for the beauty you put into this world through your blog, your book, your life and being a mom!!

[GothamMom]

I am sorry.

Some people don't get it. Or they are unhappy with themselves and take it out on you.

TBHTHBHTHHBHTHHBH *stick tongue out and blow* to her.

Next time see if she would prefer a soaking wet kid on her lap over a moment's interruption.

[maryse]

i don't have children and sometimes i get frustrated when parents bring their small children to restaurants or movies,etc. and let them run around and disturb everyone there. but clearly that's not what happened, and i agree that that woman was totally out of line.

instead of focusing on what a witch she was though, try to think about how great everyone else was which i know is hard.

also, not all of us who are childless are childless by choice. ;)

[Michelle]

I would have cried, too. So sorry.

[gale (she shoots sheep shots)]

Don't let the two nasties negate the whole day. It was all about their issues NOT yours. People like that are probably living miserable narrow lives, which is what you get when you hiss at kids and life.

[Suzie]

I'm so sorry that you guys had to go through that. Ugh.

[Gaile]

I am so sorry Sebastian met her as well. She seems to be the one that was behaving badly - all you were doing was trying to get a diaper. Maybe she needed a time out!

My girls are now grown, but I was/am one of those people who believes you do bring children everywhere (for the most part), and if they get too tired or disruptive - do the wise thing (as you did), and move to the back of the room or outside the room if necessary.

To this day I believe the reason my daughters get along so well with all ages is because they were socialized from DAY 1.

I am sorry for both of you, and sorry she made you cry.

[larissa]

Oh, thank you so much for all your supportive comments. It makes me feel better. I really appreciate it.

[larissa]

Hi Maryse,

I totally did not think of that angle, surprisingly since I have three friends who've each been trying to conceive for anywhere between 1 to 3 years. I suppose this woman could have been in that boat back a few years (she was older than childbearing years.) I try to be very understanding no matter what a person's reason is for their reactions to things, but gosh she was mean!

My note about choosing to procreate was more about those of us for whom this was an obvious choice - we have kids who look like us in our arms. But I should not have assumed she was a childless person and childless by choice.

Larissa

[Cathy-Cate]

This made me cry a little. Given the fact that Steph loves kids and that you were being such a good mom, what a slap in the face! (Good comeback, though.) There are always kids: babies, toddler, young knitters: at Harlot events, and they're welcome. At the St. Paul event, I was late due to weather, and I hung out in the doorway/lobby with an active toddler and his mom. No worries.

Gah. I'm sorry your diaper bag was by a mean lady. Sebastian will never remember, but you will. On the other hand: we can't control other people's behavior, just our own, and 99% of the room and certainly the speaker were supportive of you and the little man. So there.

[alana]

It's such a shame that one or two nasty people can put such a negative slant on the day. I hope that time fades the yucky stuff while leaving you with some good memories of it. Children are children, babies are babies, adults are *supposed* to know how to behave. I hope that lady was the exception not the rule.

[Heather]

Does that betch KNOW who she was talking to? No, you don't talk to LB like that. No.

[larissa]

Right Heather! I wondered the same thing. Do you know you are talking to MOI? Ha ha ha.

[jodi]

Oh, I'm sorry. For Sebastian, for you, for that woman who has to live with a mean heart, and for Stephanie who would be appalled that this happened at her event. I don't have children, and once in a while a child's actions in public will make me wince, but I can't imagine ever expecting children not to live in the world like everyone else. And I hide those rare winces as best I can when they do appear, so as not to hurt a parent.

[larissa]

Jodi, Believe me I wince too sometimes, at both my own child and others'. But naturally those moments occur, and I agree none of us can expect children to not live in the world. Exactly!

[Jennifer]

Ugh! I have no patience for bitter people. I'm so sorry she snapped at you. She is apparently one of those miserable people who only makes herself feel better by trying to make others miserable. Don't let her succeed!!!!

*HUGS*

[Celaine]

old battle-ax!